Parenting, among its many joys, is also a big hassle. It is a journey full of mistakes and learning new things every day. We als get to experience new emotions every day. This is an amazing journey and most of the times we shuffle between two very extreme and different emotions in a jiffy. For example, you would be extremely happy and abysmally sad at the same time or you would be maniacally angry and profoundly guilty at the same time. As parents we all tend to make unintentional mistakes and then experience something call parent’s guilt.
As parents each of us are surviving and fighting our own battles, trying to raise a better individual and since each child is different from the other, our way of handling them should also be different. Throughout this journey we tend to give up and then rise again.
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Unlike early times in a joint family system when we had lot of elder people at home, most working couples are raising children alone which put them under constant pressure to raise them with the same discipline and morals they would’ve gotten with elders. We try to do best for our children and with so much going around, we can’t be on top of things. Obviously this doesn’t make us bad parents and sometimes shortcuts are required to survive.I did a small survey around two months ago and collated some moments that lead to parent’s guilt. Here are some that I found which top the list”
You give your child Smartphones
Believe it or not most parents do it. This was at the top of the list. To find some space for yourself or to work, you hand over your children that very thing which is so dear to us, OUR SMARTPHONES. Smartphones carry everything for us, it is must have thing today. You basically can’t survive without a phone. Guess What! Your child also loves it so he also wants it. The more the better.
Most parents feel guilty about introducing their children to smartphones or giving them any kind of screen time.
TV – my best friend
This is also popular among parents living in cities. With very little time at home, away at work, parents like to spend their time watching TV rather than playing with their children or following their passion. TV watching is now time to relax and be free. Most parents feel guilty of watching television along with their children which results in increasing their screen time. Most children keep sitting in front of TV for hours which effects their thinking ability. This reduces their innovation and they prefer spoon feeding.
You don’t play with your children
Gone are those day when you could say, you have become a child with your child. Parents are busy in their day to today activities yo such an extent that very few parents devote time to play with their children. Children are left to play alone which creates and huge gap inside them. A few weeks back, a video on Facebook was circulated which clearly showed most kids were disappointed when they were asked to play with their parents. They felt it was such a waste of effort since parents leave them with toys and are always busy. A lot of parents feel guilty about not playing with their children but also aim at working on it.
You had to give Junk
Junk food is not good for children and despite that you stop for a junk meal since you had your child showing tantrums and you had to calm him or snap him out of his current state of mind. You had him a chocolate or a candies that could keep him calm.
You compare
Just admit it! We all get into this trap. When we see a child performing better and an immediate reaction is push our child to perform better than him/her. We try to set a better benchmark and just land-up comparing our child with another one. Sometime this comparison is harmful and can harm your child psyche.
Bad words
With so much anger and aggression out there we tend to use bad language in front of impressionable children. You tried your level best to keep mum but it came out and now your child knows it, will definitely not forget it. In few hours you would hear it but from your child. Oops!
You tend to miss out on cleaning
How much ever you try to stay on top of it, you would miss cleaning out something! I mean how can you? Children run all over the place, throw their toys around in dust and mud. They never clean their hands or face. Sometimes, you let things slide and then comes parent’s guilt hovering around. So when you child is sick, you might blame yourself for it.
You bribe them
Yes it is bad but you got to do it! I mean sometimes there is no option left. You have too. Sometimes children don’t listen and to push them we bribe them. It is an easy fix and win-win for both parties.
Its not the load that breaks you down. Its the way you carry it
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You give up
Oh! This one is a chart topper as well. Children are smart and somehow they find right time to show us how loud they can shout or cry. It has to be when you are crossing a toy store or your child has seen a candy while you were busy window shopping. You know that these are crocodile tears but you give in just so that you don’t have to handle a tantrum situation in the middle of a crowded street. The parent’s guilt trap would consistently disturb you later but giving in help you handle the situation.
Skip brushing at night
Yes! It is important to brush two times daily but you skip brushing your child’s teeth due to exhaustion. You do know it is wrong and feel guilty, you promise that it is last time but cycle may continue in some cases. Parent’s guilt all around.
Since we are strong, we tend to move on most of the times but there are times we get stuck. So for next time you feel bad, don’t judge yourself. We are in the same boat and it is is some very shaky insanity filled waters.
We all face different challenges, feel free to leave a comment and share your thoughts. Looking forward to hearing from you.
I’m not a mom yet, but I do have a curiosity: How do you fight technology trends? I mean, it’s obvious you shouldn’t buy your kid a smartphone/portable PSP or whatever at an early age, but what do you do when he sees everybody has and he doesn’t? Thanks.
I’m not a parent, but I appreciate you for sharing this!
Honestly, parenting is such hard work that feeling guilty about it is a waste of time. Most of us do the best we can for our kids and love them unconditionally. Guilt has no place there.
Im not a mum yet but thanks for sharing this.I get to understand what parents go through and their guilt.
This is such valuable information! I have some friends who will love reading this article!
Thanks for sharing
Best,
Diane
Diane Coletta
I am not a mom yet so I cannot relate to all of that and I know that I cannot say I will do this and not that … because I was told you never do what you say once you do have kids. But I can see all of these happening. We are all only human and big kids, trying to just be as good as possible. We make mistakes, we get tired, we are not perfect. And if these things work for your family then. It’s the most important 🙂
Parent guilt is very real and present in every generation. Its just that the reasons change, i think.
I don’t have kids but I do teach kids. I do watch each of my actions and words in front of kids because they are learning from me constantly.
Nice post. Failure of children make parents feel guilty the most
Parent guilt is definitely intense. I try not to freak out about little things though…it doesn’t really help anyway.
This is so true. I’m not a parent but I’m aware that many parents are guilty of 3 or more of the points you’ve mentioned. The struggle to keep up with the morals and discipline we had as kids is real.
Not a parent yet but learning from parents what NOT to do when I have my child. Alas, this society and world means that kids need smartphones for security so you can reach each other but with most tech, have parental control and access to what they do on the phone and on TV too.
Great post, that many parents need to read. Thanks for sharing.
Even my kids are all grown-up I still feel guilty. When you wanted things to go the right way for your kids you can feel this.
It’s unfair to judge someone’s parenting for a single action—we all make decisions sometimes that don’t reflect our ideal selves. I’m not a parent yet but I’m sure I’ll cave quite a few times!
Parenting is an art. It is not easy. And no need to be guilty as long as you are taking care of your children.
I’m not a parent yet but I’m incredibly grateful for my parents (and all of the parents actually). They’ve worked so hard and have been so resilient and have overcome a lot while raising their kids. I just want them to know that I very much appreciate them. This post is an eye-opener.
OMG!!! I am guilty. it’s as if your post is talking to me. lol. Great reminder for parents.
Not a Parent Yet !! But Experienced everything my nephew doesn’t allow me to sit for a once !! He always wants to play with me, and he never tired of this 😀 !! #hisgoldentime
loved your post as always <3
I completely agree. From time to time all the parents are guilty of not being able to spend enough time, not being there for their kids sometimes, giving phones and gadgets etc. This is how our modern Life is. Yes, but most of the parents try their best to be involved in the lives of their kids.
Great read. As a parent I find this article very helpful. 🙂
There is no perfect parent guide book ever, and there will never be one. We rely on instincts and what we feel is right for our kids. However, parenthood is tough and we tend to find an easy way out of some stressful situation. Like we have a pressing deadline but a child is being “demanding,” we give them a smartphone to play with, or offer them junk food so that we can just pay attention to a different task. It may make us feel guilty afterwards, but I guess there is always a way to make up for the mistake.
Honestly, as a parent, I don’t think there is any parent out there who doesn’t feel guilty for some reasons. I personally find myself to be brave to face it and remind myself to soak it all in. Parenthood is truly BEAUTIFUL
awh I’ll have to share this with my friends who are parents! I bet they’d agree!
Wow, I’m not a parent yet but I’ve learned something to this post that I can use in the future. Such a wonderful post!
Thanks for sharing. I’m not a parent yet but can see the struggles my friends are going through
I am not a parent myself, nor am I ready to become one anytime soon, but this post speaks to me in a sense that I’ve definitely heard my mother say things like this before and I wish that I could just hug her and take that guilt away. I turned out just fine, and she was an incredible mother. I wish she could believe it.
I am not a parent yet but by reading all of this i can understand that it is not so easy us it seems. I can understand my mom much better now how much was hard for her, even if they seem to have everything under control they also make mistake and feel gulty
I’m not able to personally react to this post, but I’m sure it’s useful for many parents, especially nowadays with all the different media and influences from outside of home.
xxxx Aga
Having Kids is a real blessing, especially if they are the adventurous explorers that take no liking in smartphones or iPads. My little one just wants to kick ball and a curious mind, but we cant always be there with them and that is what puts me on a guilt trip.
Kids are not born with instructions and I believe we as parents are doing the best we can.
Comparing is inevitable I think but knowing how’ll you’ll balance the way either you use it or your kids see it matter.
Being a parent is really not easy. I appreciate my parents for the struggles they had and sacrifices they have made for us.
Yep! I think the only one I haven’t done is skip brushing teeth. I am adamant about that and make them do it every night. Otherwise, yes to all of this!
Hahaha! We all are in the same boat
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom! I am always feeling guilty and wondering if I am doing an ok job … I wish some days that kids came with a manual!
I had to chuckle . . . I’m guilty of most of these. The struggle is real and we’re certainly not perfect; however I wouldn’t change a thing.
So cute! Living happily and peacefully is not easy and little things that add some peace are always welcomed